Home Study

It's finally here!  Tyler and I are scheduled to have our home study tomorrow night.  I'm so excited to finally complete this step!  I'm really not that nervous....but I'm definitely anxious.  It helps that we know our social worker and she's been to our home before and already said our home is great for a baby:)  What I'm more anxious about are all the questions she has to ask us.  What if I say something wrong?  Or make a stupid joke that offends her (I tend to do that when I'm nervous:/)?  And Tyler keeps joking about playing a prank on her some how.  Someone please tell him what a dumb idea this is!  He thinks it will break the ice and calm nerves.  I think it will get him killed....because I will kill him:)  And what should I wear?  What says "I"m a good person to give a baby to"?  Should I have home made cookies baking in the oven to show my domestic side?  (I've never made anything from scratch in my life by the way)  I actually can't even cook.  I probably shouldn't mention that during the home study.  Ok I know I'm being silly but this is definitely a weird experience.  We went into adoption because we feel strongly about providing a loving home for a child who needs one.  We plan to adopt multiple times because I really am passionate about helping as many children as possible.  But this whole process of being approved and chosen is very humbling.  Why should our social worker approve us?  Why should a birth mother pick us?  Why would God pick us?  It makes the gift of this child feel that much more precious. 

Please say a little pray for us Wednesday night:)  And that I get some sleep tonight.  I have a feeling I'll be up late cleaning and re-cleaning my entire house.....


On a completely different note.  Walker has pink eye:/  Poor guy!!  I had to put drops in his eyes today before nap time and it was awful!!  I HATE eye stuff!!  I can't even handle it when I get an eye lash in my eye.  In college I went on a team retreat with my Young Life team and got something in my eye while riding 4-wheelers.  It took 5 people to hold me down and flush water in my eyes.  When I was little it took 6 nurses to put drops in my eyes.  I'm not even exaggerating which is really sad.  So when Paul told me he had to be on a conference call and I had to be the one to put the drops in Walker's eyes I tried not to let my panic show.  I'm not sure who it was worse for.  This is scary and painful for Walker and I was trying to comfort him but I really needed someone to comfort me too.  Gah!  I'm such a baby!  I swallowed my fears and pushed down my desire to run out of the room and held the poor boy down and pried his little eye open.  He handled the first drop pretty peacefully but then freaked out!!!  He was so upset and miserable my issues quickly vanished and all I cared about was helping him through this.  I tried praying together.  I tried singing together.  Both usually calm him down pretty well but he had reached the point of no return.  So I just cried with him and put the drops in the corner of his eyes and hoped the tears would help the medicine get in there.  He then begged me to never do that to him again.  Unfortunately for us both, I'll be doing this all over again in 4 hours.  At least I'm not worried about the eye part anymore.  Just the emotional damage I'm doing to this poor boy.